Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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