I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
