i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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