is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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