Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize