C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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