while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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