Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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