I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
