Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
