just tell him i said nine months
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize