also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
