were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
