she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
