ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
