The maid of honor just puked.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
