I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
