You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
