can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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