I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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