just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
