He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
