how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
