my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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