I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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