She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
