well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
