If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
