I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
