I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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