i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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