I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
