how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize