my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
