I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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