I cockslap morals
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
