Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

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(850): Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today? http://tfl.nu/xk43

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.

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(919): I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again. http://tfl.nu/8soy

Replies (13) Good night (735) Bad night (2966)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

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(810): I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself. http://tfl.nu/iwxe

Replies (65) Good night (1462) Bad night (5101)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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(612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi

Replies (12) Good night (4279) Bad night (894)
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(+32): View more from Belgium

Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

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(+32): Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello. http://tfl.nu/agdc

Replies (55) Good night (7136) Bad night (1544)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

(631): View more from New York

Samesies

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(610): I can only be a whore so many days outta the week. (631): Samesies http://tfl.nu/jurs

Replies (23) Good night (4948) Bad night (861)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

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(402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj

Replies (28) Good night (6221) Bad night (1820)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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(313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t

Replies (41) Good night (15225) Bad night (1311)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.

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(978): Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined. http://tfl.nu/nnky

Replies (4) Good night (3162) Bad night (1291)
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(425): View more from Washington

It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.

(425): View more from Washington

Not including when spray tanning

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(425): It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom. (425): Not including when spray tanning http://tfl.nu/n9vy

Replies (17) Good night (1025) Bad night (4172)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

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(609): Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night http://tfl.nu/7184

Replies (17) Good night (5220) Bad night (1244)
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(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq

Replies (13) Good night (3337) Bad night (811)
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(845): View more from New York

I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

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(845): I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.' http://tfl.nu/qnb2

Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (1248)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."

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(412): I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from." http://tfl.nu/4vvg

Replies (6) Good night (1792) Bad night (573)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?

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(931): it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work? http://tfl.nu/q0sm

Replies (7) Good night (567) Bad night (319)

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