When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.