I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek