It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life