ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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