The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year