That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm home, then i'll come over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come camping we have xanax and steaks