I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
