6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.