I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
