And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
