when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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