if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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