Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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