I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
