I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
