How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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