You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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