My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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