Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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