so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
