I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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