i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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