Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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