But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
