life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
