I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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