I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
