chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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