Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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