Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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