I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
