I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
