my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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